Dump the piece of shit. I take it your kids are out of the house by now? I would simply say: this isn't working anymore and leave his behind. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I personally no longer believe in long-term relationships if you are feeling miserable in them.
His primary concern is da troof and there is nothing you'll be able to do about it. He's lying, cheating, a true JW spouse (trust me, I've had 2) but whenever you do something wrong you end up talking to the elders about it. You're too good for him and I've made the same mistakes, I overstayed, tried to fix things, as long as you're out of the JW, you're out of any JW member's love. Same happened with my spouse, I told her I wanted to stop going to the KH, the next thing she was packing up her stuff and kidnapped my child.
The only reason he's not letting the elders know about you is because he himself wants to maintain his position (being exemplary) and he's lying to them about it as well. ALL men in a JW position do that I've noticed. I've been protected from DF/DA because of someone else's position.